Christmas Eve

This post is definately not about Christmas. Yesterday, I had a really interesting convosation with Yi Poh, the oldest, bestest, most loyal friend I ever have and ever will have. It's was quite some time since we talked and yea, it was nice catching up and all. Then he surprised me by asking me about relationships. It took me a little digging but I soon found out that he was going out with the girl of his dreams. The convo then turned to me. Asking if I had a girlfriend. And after explaining my situation he gave it a rest. But it got me thinking. Why can't I move on? Why can't I get over you? You've already made your stance clear enough for me to see, but yet there's something preventing me from asking others. It isn't like we went any deeper than a hug but I find myself in a standstill. I feel as if I've been launched into a Chinese drama or a breakup song. I'm not just listening or watching it. I'm living it. And it hurt as hell to just think bout it.

Yesterday when asked why don't i find myself a girlfriend, I said it was because half of me wants to get one, while the other half doesn't. I gave a stupid excuse saying that girlfriends were an expense. But looking deeper says that money isn't a problem and that it's something worth giving up for someone you love. I really admire my friend, whom, though not perfect, has made the best out of himself. But there's a feeling inside me, that makes me feel as if I'm cheating and not loyal should I find someone else and actually move on. It kinda sux. It's like hitting a rock wall. And although you can climb over it, you can't make your legs move. Is this really how it's suposed to feel or is this just me imagining too much? I've passed many physical obstacles and this is my 1st major emotional obstacle. I never thought I would ever feel this way. These are just a few quotes from songs I listen to that sumarises how i feel.

'Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be this hard' - The Scientist, Coldplay

'Cause when my heart breaks it don't break even...no
What am I suposed to do when the best part of me was always you, yeah
What am I suposed to say when I'm all coked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces..........yeah,
I'm falling to pieces.........' - Breakeven, The Script

'the day I thought I'll never get through, I got over you....' - Over you, Daughtry

Merry christmas everyone